photography (blah, blah #10.)

After I write the dream and take it to the street, but before abandoning the dream and walking away, I take out my camera and photograph the dream (hence these photos on this blog.) at first I felt super self-conscious, as if I was drawing attention to myself, as if people would know the dream holder was not just a dream holder, but a person with “something else” in mind. I felt awkward, like I was betraying some intent inside myself. but I kept on photographing, …even when my camera started to go wonky, (the perfect time to stop and take the camera to the repair shop.) I also started looking at architectural photographs to see how “they” frame buildings and stuff.

meaning, I was getting into the photographing as something in and of itself. I liked the photographs. so today I tried to pay attention to my feelings while photographing. I felt like a performer, kinda goofy. I mean, with the camera in my hand pointing at the dream I squint into the camera (it’s hard to see exactly what I am getting in the screen,) I cross the street, I stand on benches, I squat, I go up close, I go for the long shot. I act like a photographer on a photo shoot but instead of the subject being a model it’s a dream. all in all I take between 5 and 16 photos per dream. that’s a lot of photos. it takes time. it’s a performance for sure. I’m more active when photographing than when I’m standing and holding the dream.

you see, the thing is, before, I would purposefully have refused to photograph. maybe keeping used markers as a physical trace, or the marking down of the location on a map, but never all these photographs and all this text stuff. shifts happen I know, but I am unsure of the why maybe. other than pleasure I guess. which is reason enough for anything…I mean I can list off the reasons why, it’s just the other side of the reasons for the why not, … I am interested in feeling out where the real root of this shift is….but for now I’ll just let myself experience it and see where it leads.

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